p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
