A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize