just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
