Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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