The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
