She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
