I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize