He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
