I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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