Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
