Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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