Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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