i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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