I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
