In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
