He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
