mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
