You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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