I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
