smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
