My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
