that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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