He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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