Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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