who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
