can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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