On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
