I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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