There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
