Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
