I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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