ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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