tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
