Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
