Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
