dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
