take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
