She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
nutella sex= disaster
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
