I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
