do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
