does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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