when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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