dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
