We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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