She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
as a side note pls kill me
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