Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
