she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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