so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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