my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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