I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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