its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize