i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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