Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
