I hope mine doesn't look like that
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
