god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's the barista slut.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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