she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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