My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
