woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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