We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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