I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize