I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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