i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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