why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
