Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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