No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
