I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
