Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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