So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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