Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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