drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
