garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Porn is love you can see.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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