He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
