god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
