i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
