my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
