I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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