She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
