Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
