no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
