Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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