We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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