ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
