Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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