As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
