My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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