I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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