Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
