Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
