I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
