I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
