tell your sister to shave her snatch
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
