Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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