i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
