I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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