using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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