and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize