I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How does it feel to date your dad?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
