piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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