Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
