as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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