It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
