like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
