you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
