my mouth tastes like poor choices
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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