Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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