no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Drunk is not a location!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
