According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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