...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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